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#1 guide to quality of life-pairs of sunglasses owned. Under 1/2-dozen? Hit the mall, then a beach.

If palm trees can't live there, neither should you. That's the only real estate advice you'll ever need.

No party is too fancy for tiki torches.

If a wave crashes and nobody is around to hear it except for you, you picked the right beach.

Dueling Banjos is great, but Dueling Ukuleles wouldn't work. Ukuleles won't duel. They're pacifists.

Airbrushed t-shirts aren't a fashion statement, they're a way of life.

SPF stands for Smoothie Prediction Factor. 15 should be your minimum in summer months.

The three "R's" have nothing on the three "S's:" Sand, Sun and Smoothies!

It's impossible to wake up on the wrong side of the bed in a hammock.

Why put a message in a bottle? If you're on a deserted island, you're already set.

Best thing about grass skirts? Picnicking without fear of grass stains.

Hammocks are terrible for working in. Which is why they're perfect.

If it can't be played on a ukulele, it shouldn't be played at all.

Coconuts are nature's combo meal-food, a drink and (if you bowl with it first) a toy.

The sunset will always be better than anything on TV. (Yes, even J.J. Abrams' shows.)

Tip: Jellyfish are NOT good with Peanut Butter. (You don't try that more than once.)

Next time at airport security, start a conga line. If your shoes are off, you may as well enjoy it.

Sunblock smells like the beach. Perfume smells like a department store. Advantage, sunblock!

Any horizontal barrier is a limbo tournament waiting to happen.